I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
