THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
