I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
