I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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