they need to just BURY HIM!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
