Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
