I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
