I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He better not be in your backpack
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
