Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
