And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
