the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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