I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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