Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
