I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
