dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
