I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
