My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
