Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize