Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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