i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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