Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is Oprah even human
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
