peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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