Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
