Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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