the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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