Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
