If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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