Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
