Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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