Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
