I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
