I'm so fucking centered right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
