why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
