never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
