this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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