How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
