you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
