I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
