the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
