I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
