Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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