turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
