I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
