Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize