I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
