i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
