First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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