Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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