yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
