No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found puke in my bra..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
