"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
