I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And then he peed in my hair
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