You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
