Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
