I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
