im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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