are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a beard to bite.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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