My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
