It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
