I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I deserve this hangover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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