This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
