So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
