Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
