Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
