the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
