I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
