If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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