oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
