We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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