If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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