...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she told me i tasted like america
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
