Don't you send me to vm
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
