At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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