how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
