i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
