Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
